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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27940478">I Just Want You (In Every Possible Way)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/m0_0nlight/pseuds/m0_0nlight'>m0_0nlight</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Also kinda angsty, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, But Mark is oblivious too, But they're not actually characters, Dotae is mentioned, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Jaemin plays matchmaker, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, Oblivious Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, So is Chenji, Soft Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Temporarily Unrequited Love, like really soft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:35:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,288</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27940478</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/m0_0nlight/pseuds/m0_0nlight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Three times Mark confesses his love to Hyuck and the one time it leads to something more.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>133</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Just Want You (In Every Possible Way)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1.</p><p>The first time it happens, Mark and Donghyuck are studying in Mark’s room late at night. The sun had long gone down and the stars outside of Mark’s window were casting shadows on Donghyuck’s face. He was looking down at the open textbooks that were messily opened and dispersed on the bed, completely focused on what he was doing and giving Mark the perfect opportunity to stare at his best friend without getting caught.</p><p>There were very few people who were allowed to see Donghyuck like this, soft and vulnerable, and Mark often found himself wondering how he had gotten so lucky to be one of the few. Donghyuck was witty, he always had a sharp comment on the tip of his tongue, a quick reply for anything thrown his way. Mark loved that side of Donghyuck. He never failed to make Mark laugh, and though that wasn’t necessarily a very difficult thing to do considering Mark laughed at nearly everything, there was something different when it was Donghyuck. But there was something about seeing Donghyuck in an oversized hoodie -in Mark’s oversized hoodie that he had stolen from the older boy months ago and had never bothered to return- that brought out emotions in Mark that he had never felt with anyone else. </p><p>“Mark I can practically hear you thinking,” Donhyuck groaned, flopping over onto his back, “You’re making it impossible for me to study,” He whined and looked up at Mark. He was pouting, his eyes wide and sparkling, and Mark almost choked on air. Donhyuck didn’t seem to notice Mark’s suffering, because he continued to speak without so much as pause to check if Mark was alright or maybe even give his heart a break for a moment. “If you have something to say, just say it.”</p><p>“I love you,” Mark blurted out. His brain to mouth filter was clearly not working, and it took him a moment to realise what he had said, and another longer moment to realise that he had actually said it out loud and not in his head as he had done many times before in Donghyuck’s presence. </p><p>The moment he realised what he had said, he started to panic. Mark had been in love with Donghyuck for as long as he could remember. He couldn't think of a time when his world hadn’t revolved around the other boy, even if they had only ever been friends, sure they were best friends but nothing more than that. Mark knew there would never be anything more between them, as much as he spent his nights lying awake and dreaming about it. He had grown up with Donghyuck, Donghyuck had seen Mark during all of his awkward phases, had stayed by his side during the times when Mark had felt like giving up completely, had seen Mark grow from a skinny child with wide eyes to the person he was today. There was no way Donghyuck, his Hyuck, his best friend, the sun who brought light to Mark’s life, would ever see him the same way.</p><p>Donghyuck didn’t even blink an eye at Mark’s words, and why should he? He probably assumed Mark meant it in a platonic way, after all, it wasn’t the first time he had uttered those words to Donghyuck. There had always been a little voice in the back of Mark’s mind when he said those words, a voice telling him that maybe he didn’t quite mean the words in the same way as Donghyuck did. His best friend always repeated the words back to Mark, unknowingly tearing Mark’s heart a little bit more every time. </p><p>“I love you too, Mark hyung. You know that. Now please can we get back to studying? I really can’t fail this exam.”</p><p>2.</p><p>After the terrifying and embarrassing incident during which Mark had confessed his love to Donghyuck only to have the other boy -thankfully- misunderstand the meaning behind his words, Mark had promised himself to be much more careful going forwards. It meant that he had to think twice before saying anything in Donghyuck’s presence, but it was worth it if it meant that Mark wouldn’t accidentally destroy the friendship they had built over the years.</p><p>The first week after Mark’s confession -could he even call it that if Donghyuck hadn’t realised that it was a confession?- Mark had awkwardly avoided Donghyuck as much as possible. Of course, Donghyuck refused to let that stand and decided to invite himself and Jaemin, who tagged along after being abandoned by Chenle and Jisung who were going on a date, over to Mark’s house the next Friday night. </p><p>That was how Mark found himself in the kitchen, unsure if he wanted to laugh or cry at the mess that had managed to make. </p><p>It had been Donghyuck’s idea to make brownies, and of course Mark could never refuse Donghyuck anything so he had gone along with it despite his absolutely horrid baking abilities. Jaemin, on the other hand, was actually quite a good baker. Mark had hoped that having him there would mean that the brownies didn’t end in a total disaster. He wasn’t quite sure how well their baking adventures had turned out, but they had made a complete mess of the kitchen. Even if the brownies -which were in the oven baking- ended up tasting amazing, it didn’t make up for the fact that the kitchen was an absolute mess and it would be Mark’s responsibility to clean it.</p><p>But then Mark looked at Donghyuck. He decided that even if the brownies didn’t make up for Mark’s later suffering as he cleaned their mess, just seeing Donghyck happy was enough.</p><p>He was smiling brightly, giggling at something Jaemin had said. Mark hadn’t heard whatever it was, because he had been distracted, too busy focused on Donghyuck, watching the way his face brightened as he laughed, the way his eyes sparkled, and the way he seemed to glow like the sun, lighting up the room around him. Mark was too busy noticing all the small details of Donghyuck to focus on anything else, his eyes trailing up Donghyuck’s body. He noted the fact that Donghyuck still had flour on his nose, from when he and Jaemin had been bickering and Jaemin had thrown a handful of flour in his face. It made him look even cuter than usual, which was completely unfair for Mark and his suffering heart. The whole scene, seeing Donghyuck in his kitchen, flour covering his clothes and the countertops on which he was leaning, was soft and sweet. Mark wasn’t sure if his heart would be able to handle looking at Donghyuck for much longer before he lost all of his carefully built self-control.</p><p>Mark’s staring was unfortunately cut short when Donghyuck stopped suddenly and turned around to face Mark. There was a little voice in the back of his head that told him maybe it was a good thing that Donghyuck had caught him then, before it went any further, since the worse thing Mark could imagine happening at that moment would be him doing something that could ruin their friendship, something like staring at Donghyuck like a creep. Mark could see a note of confusion in Donghyuck’s eyes, and he knew that Donghyuck had caught him staring.</p><p>“What is it?” Donghyuck asked, “Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?” Jaemin made eye contact with Mark and started to laugh, catching Donghyuck’s attention once again, “Na Jaemin if you put something on my face I swear-”</p><p>Donghyuck threatening Jaemin only seemed to make Jaemin laugh harder, nearly doubling over as he gasped for air. Mark was glad that Jaemin had taken Donghyuck’s attention off of him, as much as he also wished for Donghyck to pay attention to only him. Jaemin’s laugh was loud in the kitchen, maybe that’s why Mark let the words slip past his lips, subconsciously hoping that Donghyuck would be too focused on Jaemin and wouldn’t hear them, “I love you.”</p><p>Mark knew immediately that both of his friends had heard him. Donghyuck stopped in his mission of attacking Jaemin, meeting Mark’s eyes for a split second as he looked up. Mark felt a blush rising up his neck, he could imagine his face going red and ducked his head, feeling awkward as he looked away from Donghyuck. He made sure to avoid meeting Jaemin’s eyes as he looked everywhere that wasn’t towards Donghyuck. He knew Jaemin was giving him an odd look, glancing back and forth between Mark and Donghyuck with raised eyebrows and an amused twinkle in his eyes, like he knew something that the both of them didn’t.</p><p>“Aww, Mark hyung~,” Donghyuck said in a singsong voice. He didn’t seem to notice the tension in the room, maybe he was that oblivious to Mark’s feelings for him or maybe he was purposefully ignoring them. Either way, Mark was glad Donghyuck didn’t seem to find anything strange about his outburst. Mark almost let out a sigh of relief, but he heard Donghyuck’s next words and he could swear his heart stopped beating in his chest. “You know I love you too,” Donghyuck said with a grin, and though Mark knew the words didn’t have the same connotation to Donghyuck, he felt his blush rising back.</p><p>(Donghyuck was the first to leave Mark’s house the next morning. He had promised to meet his brother Taeyong and his boyfriend Doyoung and had rushed out of Mark’s house when he had realised that he had completely forgotten and was running late. Mark wished he could have begged Donghyuck to go with him, because the moment he was gone, Jaemin cornered Mark, a shit-eating grin on his face. He questioned Mark until the older boy admitted his feelings for Donghyuck -he wasn’t going to say ‘crush’, Mark knew it was much more than a childish infatuation, he knew that he was hopelessly in love with his best friend. If Mark expected any kind of shocked reaction from Jaemin, he received none, only getting a teasing smile and an “I know” from Jaemin, who had a gimmer in his eyes that Mark wasn’t sure he could trust. He made Jaemin promise not to tell anyone, and though Jaemin agreed, Mark had a sneaking suspicion that he was lying.)</p><p>3.</p><p>Donghyuck always looked so peaceful when he slept. All of the worries that weighed him down seemed to go away, leaving only peace. His walls fell down and suddenly he seemed much less guarded than he did whilst he was awake. Mark couldn’t help but love it, it was a side of Donghyuck that only his closest friends got to see, but even though Mark got to see that side of Donghyuck as often as he wished being Dongyuck’s best friend, he never had the chance to admire Donghyuck when the younger boy was awake. He was always worried about being caught, but in the silence of the night, he had the liberty to watch the boy he loves, admiring everything from the way his eyes fluttered as he dreamt to the way his lips parted slightly, letting out soft breaths at even intervals.</p><p>Mark couldn’t sleep, not when there was a literal angel laying a mere few feet away from him. He could never stop overthinking long enough to relax and be able to fall asleep, so instead of sleeping, he decided to watch Donghyuck, to watch the way his chest rose and fell rhythmically. He mapped out Donghyuck’s features, the ones he had long ago committed to memory. His soft, tan skin, his long eyelashes that cast shadows on his cheeks, his pink pouting lips, the curve of his nose, the hair that fell above his eyes in an unbrushed mess that still managed to look cute, there wasn’t a single thing about him that Mark didn’t love.</p><p>In the silence of the night, Mark could admit to himself everything that he tried desperately to push away during the day. When Donghyuck was asleep, so close and yet so far at the same time, he felt the emotions start to rise in him. He let the feelings take over, letting the words escape his lips and run free, letting every thought that he kept so carefully guarded out in one long rant.</p><p>“I love you so much Hyuck,” Mark whispered softly, threading his hand through Donghyuck’s soft brown hair as he breathed the words into the space between them like a promise meant for only the two of them, “I love how easily you can make me happy. You have no idea how happy you make me, Hyuck. Just seeing you every day is enough to bring my mood up on even the worst days. I love how you know everything about me, I love how I can trust you with everything because I know that you won’t leave me. I love how you’ve never abandoned me, even if you always threaten to leave me behind and constantly call me embarrassing.”</p><p>Mark laughed as memories of he and Donghyuck together started to flood his mind. Now that he had started to let his feelings out, it felt as though he would never be able to stop. He wasn’t sure if he ever wanted to stop, it felt like a weight he had never realised he was holding had suddenly been lifted off from his shoulders.</p><p>“I love how you know all my flaws, yet you stay by my side no matter what, because that’s the type of person you are, Hyuck. You’re the best friend anyone could ever dream of having, which is why I don’t want to ruin what we have for these dumb feelings that I know you could never reciprocate. I love what we have, Hyuck. It gets harder every day to pretend that I don’t love you, that I think of you only as a friend. I’m scared that I’m going to end up pushing you away because that’s the last thing I would ever want to do. I love you Hyuck, you’re like the sun. But I know that I can’t ruin our friendship, so I’m telling you this now, when you’re asleep and you can’t hear me. This way I’m letting everything out, and when we wake up tomorrow everything can be normal.”</p><p>+ 1</p><p>Mark had hoped that Jaemin had forgotten all about his feelings for Donghyuck, but he should have known that it was futile to hope for such a thing. Those are the thoughts running through his head when Jaemin corners Mark between classes, telling him to confess to Donghyuck, or he would do it in Mark’s place.</p><p>“Everyone knows about it, Mark hyung and we’re all tired of you guys not getting together already,” Jaemin said, his voice going softer as he continued, “I just want you to be happy, hyung. I want both of you to be happy. So seriously, just confess to him. Or I mean it when I say I’ll do it for you.”</p><p>“I can’t Jaemin, you know that,” Mark replied, feeling his heart start beating faster at Jaemin’s threat. He knew deep down that Jaemin wouldn’t do anything that could hurt their friend group, but it didn’t stop him from feeling familiar fear creeping up. “He's just so perfect, he would never like me back. I mean, even if I confess, there are only two ways it’ll go. There’s a chance it won’t change anything and in that case our friendship can stay the same, or there’s a chance he’ll feel disgusted by me and never want to be around me again. I can’t take that chance. You don’t understand how much I want to be with him, even if we can only be together as friends. I’d rather have Donghyuck in my life as a friend than not have him at all.”</p><p>“You’re in love with me?” A familiar voice said from behind Mark, and Mark could see Jaemin’s eyes widening. He knew immediately who had spoken, Donghyuck’s voice was one he would recognise anywhere. </p><p>Mark turned around quickly, his eyes meeting Donghyuck’s, who was looking at him with an unreadable expression that terrified Mark. Donghyuck was clutching a book in his hands, holding it to his chest. Mark was feeling too many emotions to say anything, his brain having difficulty catching up with the fact that Donghyuck had heard him practically waxing poetry about how much he loves him. He was certain that he had never felt that much terror in his life.</p><p>“I-” Mark stuttered out, unsure what to say. He knew that Donghyuck had already heard enough of what he had told Jaemin, there was no point in lying to him anymore. He gathered his courage, telling himself that it was now or never. “Yes,” He admitted, “I am in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for years, for pretty much as long as I can remember. And before you say anything, please just listen first. I won’t do anything to ruin our friendship. We can forget all about this if you want, we can continue our lives the same way as before without this having to change anything.”</p><p>“What if I want this to change things?” Donghyuck asked, and Mark stared at him, not understanding what Donghyuck was saying. “I love you too, dumbass.”</p><p>“Really?” Mark was in disbelief. He wanted to believe Donghyuck, more than anything, but there was still the lingering fear and the feeling that he wasn’t good enough for someone as perfect as his best friend. He thought back to every time he -accidentally- confessed his love to Donghyuck, thought about the way Donghyuck never seemed to notice Mark’s feelings for him, always acting as though there could never be anything between them that wasn't platonic.</p><p>“I wouldn’t lie about this,” Donghyuck said, and he took a step forward, followed by another, until he was standing face to face with Mark. Mark could see the emotions swimming in Donghyuck’s eyes, he could see the same fear he felt mirrored in Donghyuck’s eyes. “I’ve loved you for two years now. I tried keeping it a secret, probably for the same reason you did.”</p><p>Mark was about to say something else, but before he had the chance to speak, Donghyuck leant forwards and pressed his lips against Mark’s own in a soft kiss. There were no fireworks exploding into bright colours around them, no grand revelation like in the movies. It was a simple kiss, just the soft press of lips against lips, but it was infinitely better than anything Mark could ever have imagined, better than anything he had imagined during all his sleepless nights dreaming about Donghyuck. There was a feeling impossible to describe, like he had finally found the person with whom he belonged. It was a feeling of warmth and comfort like coming home after a long day of stress or sitting by a crackling fireplace. It made Mark feel warm all over, the feelings of love for Donghyuck that he had so long repressed taking control of his actions as he kissed Donghyuck harder, putting all of his feelings into the kiss as an unspoken ‘I love you’.</p><p>(Jaemin left before they confessed their feelings, muttering something under his breath about how finally his best friends had gotten together. Mark and Donghyuck were so caught up in each other that they didn’t even notice that he had gone, they only noticed once they pulled apart and Jaemin was nowhere to be found, the new couple bursting into laughter when they realised that Jaemin had been their matchmaker.)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I haven't written in a few months cause of school and stress but I decided it would be a good idea to write this last night at 11:00pm when I got inspiration so here you go. My first language isn't English and this is not beta read so please tell me if you find any spelling or grammar errors so that I can correct them.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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